So here I am, thirty, flirty and thriving, or am I?
I just turned three times ten this year. No biggie right? Unlike previous birthdays where I’d get super excited and plan the day, my 30th birthday planning did not transpire. For what reason you might ask? Well, I just didn’t want it to happen! I didn’t want the day to come- PERIOD!
With turning 30 came the notion of “being single and thirty”. Those of you who are single and 30, like me, probably fully understand this notion. And YES, it is a “thing”….and a complete catch 22!
30 is the age where Gen Z’s view me as “traffic” in a night club, while millennials wonder what on earth I’m even doing with my life (inserts mischievous giggle here).
Unfortunately, whether we want to acknowledge it or not, society really has a way of instilling age-appropriate norms upon us. I’m guessing that if society had its way, I’d be married with a kid or five. My husband and I would visit the family on Saturdays and spend Sundays at the park, because that’s the normal thing to do, right?
Sure, most of my friends have paired off, but while they probably look at my life with confusion, I look at theirs just the same.
To be completely honest, growing up, as most girls did, I didn’t dream of weddings. I didn’t have the fantasy of having the perfect white wedding and meeting Prince Charming. I’d be the girl getting polonies (i.e. huge wounds that look like mincemeat) from rollerblading on a regular basis, or beating my friend Louise at spitting competitions (a game to see whose spit traveled the farthest). Disgusting I know! But this was me. I’ve always been a care-free, live-in-the-moment kind of girl, with minimal planning to my name.
Not to say getting married or having kids was never a vision of mine, but I’ve never attached a timeframe to it. Looking back, I’m starting to think that it may not have been such a bad idea if I took matters into my own hands. Like sure I enjoy being thirty and single. It gives me the freedom to come and go as I please, but in the back of mind, there’s this little voice screaming “your ovaries are about to expire” Taryn!
Besides this little rant, life is pretty wonderful. Let me give you a rundown on why being single at 30 is so hard and great at the same time.
It’s so damn hard!
1. One word- “WINTER”
If you’re single, I know you get me. For all you wife’d up, bae’d up and coupled up readers, you will never understand the struggle of being alone in winter. Besides the absence of body heat during ‘cuddle season’, winter is known to change our moods to mellow. Having someone during this time would not be turned down!
2. It can get lonely
I like being alone, but I want someone to be alone with. Catch my drift?
Currently, I live with my sister, so I’m rarely ever alone. But there’s a difference between being lonely and never being alone. There’s a feeling that comes with meeting YOUR person. Having that special someone fills a void you never knew you even had.
3. Most of my friends are married or in committed relationships
Do you know what this means for me? I get pushed to the back of the priority list (without any hard feelings of course). It’s a completely natural thing for people to put their families, spouses or significant others before anyone else.
Not to mention, since most of my friends are in loving committed relationships, it becomes all the more difficult to make plans to do fun activities. And by fun activities, I mean leaving the kids at home and doing grown-up things! I enjoy going for dinners, to bars and to night clubs on the od occasional. Now that most of my friends are on the path of commitment, looking for that partner in crime is more than difficult to find.
4. Bad dates happen to the best of us
Dating can be super exciting and surprising. But sometimes you’ll show up to a date hoping for a Prince, only to be met with a frog. Thankfully, this hasn’t happened to me too many times, but I have been on some tedious dates with guys who claimed that they were heterosexual, with guys who spoke 99.9% of the time without letting me get a word in and with ‘gentlemen’ who let me pay the full bill. Like I said, dating can be super exciting, but it’s even more surprising. You literally NEVER know what you’re going to get.
5. My ovaries are on the verge of expiring
You may think I’m being dramatic, but according to research from the University of Edinburgh, about 95 percent of 30-year-old women have only 12 percent of their original number of ovarian follicular cells, which can develop into eggs.
Now that we’ve gotten the statistics out of the way, please excuse me while I rant. I’m doomed! Done for! Expired! These are just some of the gloom-ridden thoughts that run through my mind. Keyword being “some”.
6. My hair could be played with, but you know how many people are playing with my hair? Zero!
Everyone likes to be touched. I refuse to elaborate any further!
The majority of my thoughts are quite optimistic, to say the least. Sure the odd pessimistic day can creep up on me every once in a while. But there’s literally a remedy to every mood. Moving on… here are a few reasons why being single is so damn great!
It’s so damn great!
1. I can be a hobo
I’m sure you can also be a hobo with your better half. But I’m certain that you didn’t wear your hobo clothes at the beginning of your relationship. You know, as much as I love dressing up- I adore wearing an old t-shirt while I Netflix with my hair in a bun and a facemask on even more! Being single allows me to do this whenever I please and right now, I don’t plan on kissing this benefit goodbye.
2. I don’t have to answer to anybody, like ever!
I’ve always been a wild, carefree human and I blame my astrological sign for this. Being single allows all aspects of my Gemini self to just be! The indecisiveness, the last-minute decisions and the flighty evenings out. I always thought, if I do eventually meet someone, the cuffs would have to be fairly loose for the relationship to work. But for the time being, I don’t have to worry about any of this. I can be undeniably me always, without answering to anybody! Wanna go dancing tonight?
3. You see that cutie over there? While you hold your man I’ll go say hi
Dating in your 30’s is very different from dating in your 20’s. At 30 I’d say we’re more self-aware and a lot more knowledgeable about what we want and deserve, but this doesn’t mean we can’t have a bit of fun. As someone who isn’t constantly on the prowl to find love, I like to dip my toes in the unknown every now and again and get to know someone new. Flirting can really be fun and when I’m tied down one day I won’t have access to this unmarried benefit. For now, let me just say hi!
4. Career focus
Most 30-year old’s already are married with children, which unapologetically so, becomes a huge part of their lives. Being single and 30 comes with having a hell-of-a-lot of time on my hands, which ultimately means I don’t mind putting in the extra hours and working late. I also don’t have an issue with taking work home as it doesn’t interfere with my life. I believe in work-life balance but I also believe in working hard. I do plan on slowing this aspect of my life down when love comes knocking at my door, but until then I’ll be burning the midnight oil and attempting to make “money moves”, as Cardi B would say.
5. I want a love that makes the angels wish they were us
With turning 30 comes a different kind of wisdom. I’m not saying all 30-year-olds are super wise. What I mean is that we become more self-aware and know exactly what we want in most aspects of life, including relationships. When I was dating in my 20’s, my opinion of a good and decent man differed significantly from my opinion of a good and decent man now. Being single and 30 gives me the opportunity and a clean slate to start over and find someone who I think is a perfect fit for me. I’m much more self-aware and have a long list of qualities I’d like to find in a man, and I’m sure you do too. But at the end of the day, I want a love that makes the angels wish they were us and I won’t settle until I get exactly that!
6. I can up and leave at any time
This is one of the greatest beauties of single life. Relocating, going on a mini-vacay or just visiting family in another city ain’t never been so simple.
7. I’ve had the opportunity to learn from others’ mistakes
I’m not only referring to relationship mistakes but mistakes in general. We all learn from our own mistakes on the daily, but being single and 30 really makes you aware of what you don’t want in life. Looking from afar and learning from people’s mishaps and achievements is rewarding and has opened my eyes to what sort of preventative measures to take.
8. I sleep like a baby
Perhaps you sleep like a baby too, but I STARFISH. That’s all.